Loving An Addict (chemical dependency, alcohol, sex, porn, etc.) can be an emotional rollercoaster. It really doesn't matter if we're the spouse, parent, child or friend of an addict; feelings of fear, shame, and confusion over a loved one's addiction can cause deep anxiety, sleepless nights, and even physical illness. We spend a lot of compassionate effort trying to help addicts recover, but very little on the loved ones, some of whom may be scarred for life. If you have a loved one who is an addict, this small group is for you.
The emotional distress family members suffer is often compounded by the belief that they somehow caused or contributed to their loved one's addiction-or that they could have done something to prevent it. Family members do not cause their loved one's addiction. Nor can they control or cure the addiction. What family members can do is find support, set boundaries, detach with love-and eventually discover how God, through Christ, can provide hope and healing in your relationships. Most of all, God has blessings of peace and joy ready for you whether your loved one finds recovery or not.

What ROLE fits you?
The Addict.
The Hero.
The Mascot.
The Lost Child.
The Scapegoat.
The Caretaker (Enabler).
The following information on each role is a brief description for understanding one basis of family addiction recovery. A summary follows with information on how and why the roles lead to codependency.
1. The Addict
The person with the addiction is a lot of times becomes the center of attention. The "world" revolves around this person.
2. The Hero
The Hero is the one who needs to make the family look good. They ignore the problem and present things in a positive manner as if the roles within the family did not exist. The Hero is the perfectionist. Their role can play an important and vital part in the family recovery, but 1st they must
The underlying feelings are fear, guilt, and shame.
3. The Mascot
The Mascot's role is that of the jester. They will often make inappropriate jokes about the those involved. Though they do bring humor to the family roles, it is often harmful humor, and they sometimes hinder addiction recovery.
The underlying feelings are embarrassment, shame, and anger.
4. The Lost Child
The Lost Child is the silent, "out of the way" family member, and will never mention alcohol or drugs or recovery. They are quiet and reserved, careful to not make problems. The Lost Child gives up self needs and makes efforts to avoid any conversation regarding the underlying roles.
The underlying feelings are guilt, loneliness, neglect, and anger.
5. The Scapegoat
The Scapegoat often acts out in front of others. They will rebel, make noise, and divert attention from the person who is addicted and their need for help in addiction recovery. The Scapegoat covers or draws attention away from the real problem.
The underlying feelings are shame, guilt, and emptiness.
6. The Caretaker (Enabler)
The Caretaker (Enabler) makes all the other roles possible. They try to keep everyone happy and the family in balance, void of the issue. They make excuses for all behaviors and actions, and never mention addiction recovery or getting help. The Caretaker (Enabler) presents a situation without problems to the public.
The underlying feelings are inadequacy, fear, and helplessness.
7. The Enforcer
The Enforcer demands recovery or abstinence. They try to keep order in the family by implementing rules for the family to live by. They insist that they can control the sobriety of the addicted. The enforcer will play judge and jury for the addicts behavior, taking away the process of recovery that the addict must face themselves.
The underlying feelings are control, fear, and anger.

As with any recovery, it is sometimes necessary and helpful to gather information, to better understand what others are seeing or feeling. For a family, information and help must be sought for the whole family before the recovery can be complete. Information and understanding may be all that are necessary to bring about recovery, but a specialist might also be necessary, since there may be grief and loss to overcome in the process.